it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
