Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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