my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
