So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
