My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
