he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize