we have pet lesbian snakes
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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