1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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