Jerry, you need to find god
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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