So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
