She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
