Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
