i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
