I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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