She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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