so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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