The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
