I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize