i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
