We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
