...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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