I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
