Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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