do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
