I feel like abortions should bother me more
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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