I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
