Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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