Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
