My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
