my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
