I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Never underestimate the power of titties
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize