I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
