I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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