I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
