: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize