We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
