apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
