My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
