this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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