Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
