Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
