I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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