Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
