doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
