I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
