Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
