fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
