I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
