you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
