I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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