It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
