I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize