shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
