just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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