Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize