I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
