thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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