There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's blow job season.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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