Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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