You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
