You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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