You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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