More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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