I just pynch a tree in the face
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
