its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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