I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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