come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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