I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
