we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
there is glitter all over my balls
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
