I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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