Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
