Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You are a genius and a whore.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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