a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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