I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am available for nakedness
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
