Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
