is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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