if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
