i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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