found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
