Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's the barista slut.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
