you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
