that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
