You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
