Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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