I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
