I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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