He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
