Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
