ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
