I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize