she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
