He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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