i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
