just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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