i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
