so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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